Machine Girl - Tarantino Gone Japanese
I’ve always said Quentin Tarantino really isn’t as good as people say. It seems some Japanese guy named Noboru Iguchi totally missed my point and thought to himself: „Well then, I can do a movie that makes Quentin Tarantino’s crap look like Cartoon Network.“ Now we all know the Japanese tend to think crazy stuff, but the thing this time is: he actually did! So let me introduce the plot with a quick, sensible question: What do you do when one of your arms gets chopped off? Do you a) learn to live with it, b) get a prosthesis or, c) f*ck it and attach a gattling gun to the leftover stump? As I asked in such a farkesque manner, you can probably tell what the answer might be. While this is basically a cool thing and probably the secret dream of many men around the world, it’s kind of disturbing to see a hot-ass Japanese schoolgirl weilding that monstrosity. She’s the kind of girl where your feeling (a.k.a. that huge gun on her arm) tells you you shouldn’t get involved with her, but you do anyway. After all, she’s cute. She can’t be that bad, right? Well, obviously she can. Don’t believe me? Here are some astoundingly creative ways to hurt someone I learned from the movie:
1)Sticking an iron pipe into your enemies mouth, then kicking it through the back of their head.
2)Powerdrilling someone’s chest
3)Cutting off someone’s fingers and making him eat them as Sushi
4)Surprising someone by putting their friend’s head in the soup, then sticking a knife into the back of their head to make them puke intestines. Now that’s a spicy meatball!
I mean, come on…seriously…WHAT THE HELL? The last one’s so disgusting it almost makes me want to puke intestines myself. Now I’m not one to be opposed to some good gore thrown into a film. But with this one I’m impressed and disgusted at the same time at the morbid creativity of Iguchi. Well that and the fact that I can’t read any of the English subtitles, because the whole movie is in Japanese, so I can’t understand a goddamn thing of what they’re saying, leaving me with one and a half hour of Yakuzas, Ninjas and Schoolgirls angrily screaming at each other.
I can’t even be bothered to watch the whole thing, I just skipped through the boring scenes that might’ve given the story a more sensible context. For now I can only think of two reasons to watch the whole thing: You’re unusually horny for Asian chicks with guns, or you’re just a sick bastard with too much time on his hands.
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IMDb Link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1050160/